Turn Me On, Goddammit! (Fåmegpå, forfaen)

Fåmegpå, forfaen (2011)

 

Yes, i love Norwegian foreign films. i can't get enough of 'em! i really enjoyed this one, even though it was a little racy.

Not too racy, you didn't even see anything. This movie is about s fifteen year-old girl, Alma, and she is kind of discovering her self... in a sexual kind of way, but that's not what it's about.

Anyways, Alma's mother thinks she is crazy and a pervert. Now see, Alma has had a huge crush on a boy (as seen in the poster) and one day she was at a party and she quote on quote "dreamed" that she was outside and he kind of sexually harassed her. she went inside and told her friends, and then her friends confronted him and made Alma look like a fool. Everyone in the town starts calling her,

Dikk- Alma. One day, Alma has had enough and runs away to Oslo to stay with her best friend's older sister.

It really was a great movie, and i can't get too much into it, i don't want to spoil the ending! This film brings you into Alma's mind, and how Alma is struggling to find herself, and find a way to express her feelings to her dream guy. the ending is really cute.

The whole film was in subtitles, because it was... NORWEGIAN, and i really enjoy listening to the Norwegian language.

Great film, 4 stars.

 

 

Khaled

Khaled (2001)

 

Wow. what a weird movie. This movie surrounds a young boy, named Khaled. His mother is kind of dodgy, she is all skinny, a smoker, she is ill, she can barely afford to take care of them, and Khaled has to wash his mother in the bathtub, and I'm pretty sure she was on drugs in this movie. she has some sort of illness. Anyways, Child Protective Services is on her back, and one day, Khaled comes home to his dead mother. yes, dead.

What a twist! His mother was lying in her bed, dead. throughout the rest of this movie, Khaled faces his bullies and tries living on with his mother gone, except for she is still in the house! He puts lipstick on her (the next Norman Bates, maybe?), and when the body starts to smell, yes, it is the house that long, he Frebreeze's it to hide the stench.

This movie was actually disturbing, quite gross and just plain weird. Just look at the movie poster! it is some sort of weird Canadian film.

this movie is so underground, and so unknown, and so bad and weird, there isn't even a trailer, so i can't show it to you guys.

1 star out of five.

A Serbian Film (Srpski Film)

A Serbian Film (2009)

A Serbian Film, A.K.A., Srpski Film in Serbia, was the most, and if not, one of the most, messed up disturbing and most horrific films i have ever seen. It was about some sort of f'd up snuff porno...

Milos, is a retired porn star, or a porn star going into retirement... he decides to do one last porno... it is SO weird. he has to kill a slut, and he cuts off his dink, and he decapitates a whore, and he rapes his nine-year-old son... i don't regret watching it, but i certainly did not enjoy it.

the effects sucked. the blood, the gore. i mean, the decapitation was okay, the blood spurting out of everywhere was okay, but mot of it was super fake, and low-budget. i mean, just look at the movie poster.

it's not that it was gory, but it was just disturbing. he is being drugged and forced into doing all these horrible things, and the end was the grossest part.

this movie has less than one star out of five...

 

if you still want to see this movie, here's the trailer. oh! and the whole movie is in Serbian but there is subtitles.

 

and here's the link to the website where you can buy the movie:

http://www.serbianfilmmovie.com/

i should get a shirt



the Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

the Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)

 

The Life Aquatic! What's not to love about the Life Aquatic? Steve Zissou is killer. from the red toques to his Campari on the rocks, Steve Zissou is jut awesome.

the Bellafonte is my favourite boat in any movie Ever.

Bill Murray is forever funny, and Anjelica Houston did a fantastic job as Eleanor, and as much as i don't like Cate Blanchett, she was ok in this flick. i don't like Owen Wilson, either.

I love Jeff Goldblum, and he was good in this movie. this movie was so funny, and definitely unique.

how i wish i could be on team Zissou, that would be a great adventure.

the plotline was great! the pirates, Jeff's baot, and Cody!

Is Steve Zissou the most fascinating man on the planet? yes, he is.

This movie really was the fantastic combination of humor and drama and marine biology.

the Life Aquatic, really was a brilliantly plotted and a brilliantly performed movie.

Steve Zissou and his Team deserve a whopping 5 outta 5 stars, for this fantastically crafted wonder of a movie.

 

 



Teeth

Teeth (2007)

 

Ok, Teeth. I was thrilled with the concept of teeth in a vag, but I was not thrilled with this film.
For One, they never showed the tooth vagina! That was the purpose! All they showed was bloody dinks lying on the floor chopped off. Not appealing, I must say. The Irony in this film was that Dawn was one of those "pro-abstinence" girls and then she used her vag to catch creepers! What the hell?!
This movie contained questionable content, like how she did her brother. Her brother. You read that right folks. Or how she did an old man in a car, though they don't show it.
The bio on Wikipedia says it's a "comedy-horror" but there was little horror and all comedy! It was so awful, it was funny! Like when the dog ate her brother's dink! I was killing myself laughing!
To sum it up, the movie was pretty bad. I could've done a better job in my backyard, if I wanted to.
It had a classic bad-horror / comedic touch so that counts for something, all in all, Teeth received only two stars, not a very good movie.

Case 39

Case 39 (2009)

The movie slogan says it all. this case should have never been opened.

the freaky thing is, it's the same freaky and creepy little girl from Silent Hill!

in the beginning, you kinda feel sorry for her because she's being stuffed in an oven, but by the end of the movie, you will be wishing Child Protective Services had not shown up in time!

This movie is about a Child Protective Service agent who opens a case that no one else will bother with. the huge mistake is when she brings this little freak into her home, and bad things start happening. Me, i am scared of things like Zombies and possessions, and DEMONIC CHILDREN!

oh, and creepy empty hospitals.

This film was creepy, and i don't like Renee Zellweger, and I don't like that little girl!

I still give this flick a 3 1/2 out of 5.

enjoy this creepy demon kid!

One Missed Call

One Missed Call (2008)

Ah, One missed Call. That movie was just as i expected it to be. Maybe even freakier.

Honestly, the end scenes in the hospital were the scenes that scared the shit out of me.

i always found those types of thing to be creepy and scary, which is why Silent Hill scared me.

Now that i have seen One Missed Call, i honestly cannot wait to see it's Japanese original version, "Chakushin Ari".

Japanese people tend to make scary movies, so i absolutely am looking forward to watching it in Japanese!

this flick was not only different, but it was thrilling, and scary. maybe not for some people, but for people like me, it was super scary. i think the scariest part of the movie was when it was over and i was sitting there in the dark, and my friend called me from her blocked number. i was so reluctant to picking up the phone, especially since it was the middle of the night. i answered it and it was just her.

but honestly, i had a super rocky sleep that night, because of this movie.

it is for horror lovers everywhere!

I honestly give this movie a four outta five, but when i see the Japanese version, i guarantee it's going to be knocked down to a 3 1/2.

the Blue Butterfly

the Blue Butterfly (2004)

Ah, the blue butterfly. Kind of a cheesey movie, but it works for me.

the Blue Butterfly is based on a true story. I enjoyed the kind of heartwarming side of it, but at the same itme, enjoyed the adventures in it, too.

the Blue Butterfly follows Pete, a boy with terminal cancer, who is really into butterlfies and bugs in general. William Hurt, is a guy who is famous for entomology, and one of the only men to see the Blue Morpho butterfly. William Hurt's character, Alan, is Pete's idol, who is in town. Pete begs Alan and his mother to go to the Amazon with Alan to find the Blue Morpho butterlfy, as it wuld be a dream of his.

Anyways, Pete goes to the Amazon and stays there, where he was a wonderful time there with the Amazonians. Pete and Alan go on a wonderful adventure looking for the Blue Morpho, which they eventually find.

did i mention Pete was in a wheelchair? Ths piece of info may be useful, as Pete and Alan fall into a hole and Alan gets injured. Pete has to climb his way out to go look for help. He does find help, and they do get rescued, and they do find the Blue Morpho!

the Blue Butterfly is a ovie filled with charm, laughs, and character. I enjoyed the comedy side and the emotional side of the film.

I give the Blue Butterfly, 3 stars!



Orphan

Orphan (2009)

Orphan, is truly the definition of a creepy horror film. this movie blew me over with everything from the plot line, to the acting, to the special effects!

In my eyes, one of the best horror films, ever.

Esther, is one of the creepiest kids in a movie, besides the kid from Pet Sematary. Esther is an Orphan form Russia, and a real evil one at that. she is devious, devilish and twisted. the whole movie, she routinely keeps up her eerie freakiness, that spooked me the whole film.

The stunts and tricks that little girl pulls off in that film, were absolutely sinister. she is a murderous, evil little girl, who wiggles her way into her father's heart, but not in an innocent way.

just thinking about the thrill of watching this movie gives me goosebumps!

this movie is a thriller, a shocker, and a definite freak show! Orphan, is a film any horror nerd will love.

I give Orphan a rating of four stars, because it was simply brilliant.

even the trailer gives me the willies

 



Piranha 3D

Piranha 3D (2010)

What can i say? This movie was terrible. One of the worst movies I've ever seen. it was terrible. So terrible.

It wasn't just the awful CGI imagery, but it was terrible terrible acting, the effects, the stupid awful plot with the boobs, and the porn stars...

not to mention, a remake of an 80's flick. I like 80's flicks, and some remakes are good, but this one takes the crown for the worst.

And now, now they're making a sequel to this load of crap! A "Piranha 3DD"

it's so stupid, a pile of dog doo, to say.

Anyways, this movie doesn't really need much more in this review, because it sucked.

if you want to know the stars, 1 star... one sad, lonely star, outta five.

if you're still interested, here's the trailer:

the Last Samurai

the Last Samurai (2003)

Without a doubt, one of the best movies, i have ever seen, and I've seen a lot of movies.

Tom Cruise, the man who never ages, did a phenomenal job portraying a white dude. in real life, a white dude would never fight with the Samurais, but this is just a movie.

the movie takes place in Japan, circa 1800s. Around this point in time, the dutch had come to Japan for trade. Tom Cruise, is a white guy who gets separated from his people and ends up in a small Samurai village.

An absolutely beautiful portrayal of the Samurais and Japanese culture, plus amazing battle scenes, and great dialogue. the film accurately depicts the loyalty and life of a Samurai.

one of my favourite parts of the movie, is the battle between the Japanese military and the Samurais.

the last twenty minutes are probably the most painful scene in the film, and for me, a tear-jerker

The movie was great, i enjoyed every single second of it, maybe because of my love for the Japanese, but it was still an amazing film.

the Last Samurai is a film everyone and anyone should see.

i rate the Last Samurai, 5 stars. that's a tough spot to get

even the trailer will get you going



The Help

The Help (2011)

The Help. Where do I start with the Help...

Well, it is a sad movie. I could say it's an uplifting story of love, friendship, and humor, but that would be cheesy. But, it is. It's not a traditional cheesy movie, but the cheesy description fits it!

The Help focuses on African American maids working in white house holds in Mississippi, circa late 1960's. the film follows a young aspiring author, Skeeter, who wants to make a difference after her housekeeper dies, long after they became close.

I feel as if, if i tell you, I'd be giving away the whole film...

it really is a great movie, that's full of heart and sadness. it's a comedy for everyone, and a good movie for the family, though the younger ones may not get it.

it is a heart-warmer, and a heart breaker, all at once. The Help, is sure to grab you by your heartstrings, and a good thinker, too.

a big, loud congratulations to all the actors and actresses who made The Help what it is.

The Help was actually originated from a book by Kathryn Stockett, published in 2009.

I give the Help, 4 stars, as well.

South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut

South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999)

May I just say, the South Park movie, is just down-right silly, stupid, and the most hilarious thing I've ever seen! it's obscene, it's dirty, it's ridiculous, and yet that is the sort of humor we all love.

South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut follows the boys to a foreign film from Canada.

Turns out, the film is repulsively obscene and awful! the boys inherit a foul language form this film that alarms the adults of South Park.

The adults form South Park come up with a device that is supposed to reduce swearing in children, but the kids of South Park start "Viva La Resistance" and try and stop it.

when Kenny dies, oh man! it's great! Kenny is rejected from heaven and goes to hell, where he meets Satan. Satan is in a complicated relationship with none other than Saddam Hussein.

It's one of those films you have to watch! it's hilarious, but not for those under the ages of 14, unless you're one of those cool parents who let their kids watch South Park at a younger age.

I give South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut four stars!

Feardotcom

Feardotcom (2002)

Feardotcom. Well, what can you say? yes, the whole idea of being the subject of a snuff film was exciting, but unfortunately, it was full of dumb people.

i don't mean that the actors of actresses were dumb, no. just the characters they played.

First of all, when a creepy man that was videotaping you from his car asks you to meet him in an old abandoned building to film you in his movie, there are two things to question.

1) Do you say yes?

2) if you're stupid enough to say yes, do you go alone?

if you're stupid enough to go alone, then you have a problem.

Right in the beginning, you see the head of the health department, pick up a dead rat, then answer her phone, then get ready for work, all without washing her hands.

i think that was a little flaw in the production. but, let's not pay attention to that.

The entire concept of when you watch the video, you go insane, was brilliant!

now they have 48 hours to solve the crime before they die? oh the horror! the suspense!

i actually enjoyed that idea.

Honestly, when i read about this movie on the Internet, i waited for two whole years to find this movie, in a store, or on television, and finally! it was on t.v.! I was so excited and just couldn't wait a whole week to watch it!

but then i did, and i was honestly disappointed in the movie. i didn't like the acting! it wasn't very good, and plot kind of fell apart in some parts of the movie.

the special effects were good, for the quality of the film. the acting wasn't too good, but the plot idea was. the acting, like i said, was terrible.

Overall, i guess i enjoyed the film...it could've been better.

2 1/2 stars

the Mothman Prophecies

the Mothman Prophecies

The Mothman Prophecies! Richard Gere, what?

Personally, i found it creepy. kinda eerie.

Yes, i do believe in Mothman, so i was excited to see this movie when it was recommended to me.

I'm not sure if i like Richard Gere or not, but i did like him in this particular movie.

the Mothman Prophecies is a nice horror flick, which i enjoyed. i liked the freaky drawings in this movie. they were spooky and kinda haunting.

the idea of a giant moth-like human coming to warn you scares me, especially the way they push the "glowing red eyes" lines, or "two evil eyes" or "two glowing red orbs" which i felt they lay too heavy on that idea.

Now, i Don't like Laura Linney. there's jut something....but I'm not gonna be a hater and give her a bad mark because i don't like her...she was good as the cop.

I must say, i was disappointed that they didn't show a mothman in this flick.

MOTHMAN is a creepy creature, who needs more acknowledgement than just this movie.

the Mothman Prophecies is a good, creepy, eerie, wonderful horror flick, that was a good display on just how creepy the supernatural side of life is, and that sometimes, you gotta believe.

3.7 stars

Splice

Splice (2009)

Splice, a truly utterly, weird movie.

Splice is about this scientist couple who are illegally creating creatures part human part animal (Island of Dr. Moreau?), when secretly the wife is using her own DNA. the creature looks like some sort of chicken duck snake mouse monkey human kangaroo hybrid, that eats candy.

When the couple notices the creature they named Dren growing at a rapid rate, nothing worries them, except for the fear the board will catch them.

In their previous experiment, Fred & Ginger, they notice the female changed sex to a male, which caused them no alarm.

Things go awry when Dren becomes a seductive sexy creature, who needs more space to live and grow in, taking refuge on Elsa's mother's farm.

And things get even worse when Dren actually ends up seducing Clive and has sex with him...

i wonder why the need for the bizarre sex scene? who knows, but the disturbing thing was when Dren changed sexes and rapes Elsa...INCEST!

A very strange movie. the effects were good though. Dren looked realistic. which was good. The cinematography was good, too. the special effects were good.

this movie was an extremely creative and bizarre rendition of... Inter species Incest?

Well, what ever this movie is really about, it gets

3 1/2 stars

the Demon Seed

The Demon Seed (1977)

"The Demon Seed"

Julie Christie plays Susan Harris, a woman married to Computer Genious, Alex Harris, played by Fritz Weaver. Mr. Alex Harris is an inventor, creating robots. He is on the edge of creating his most prized invention, Proteus IV, who is an artificial intelligence system, posessing the power of thought.

Susan is a child pschologist, and feels like Proteus IV is taking over her husband.

Alex has his colleague, Walter Gabler, over to shut the machine down, which rests in his home.

Shocked and bewildered, Alex and Walter discover the machine has created a theory on a cure to leukimia. Alex's colleaugues are astonished to discover the things Proteus IV has learned and taught itself.

After Proteus asks Alex for freedom, frightened, he turns off the communicating link.

Little did they know, Proteus had conquered the ability to control itself, being able to trun itself back on. the next morning, the other robots in Susan and Alex's home begint to malfunction, asssuring Susan that nothing is wrong.

Much to Susan's worry, the robots prohibit her from leaving the house, encasing her in her terrifying surroundings. After ebing electrocuted, Susan awakes to find herself strapped down to a table, while Proteus's robotic arm is giving her a physical examination.

Proteus becomes very interested in Susan and her body, with the explanation; "I Want A Child"

After threats and pressure, Susan succumbs to Proteus's orders, and he morphs her DNA into fake sperm.

When Dr. Harris realises what Proteus is capable of and what he has done, he returns to the house immediately, only to find what Proteus had created.

I think i shall leave the last bit for viewers to enjoy.

"The Demon Seed" was a movie i quite enjoyed, i enjoyed the plot, as i have not seen a movie like that in my life. The plot is unique and Proteus certainly is unique as well!

The special effects were good, and so was the cinematography.

i give it....

3 1/2 stars.