V/H/S

V/H/S (2012)

Okay, another buttload of crap, BUT this one was good. It's odd, because it stunk and it sucked, but it was really good. I can't explain this phenomenon, but it was really good, but so bad.

This movie is about these kids that break into houses and commit crimes, and they stumble into this house where they find a dead guy surrounded by tapes. SO they decide to watch them

Tape 1) Amateur Night

These three guys go to a bar and pick up 2 chicks. One is suuuuper drunk, and the other says nothing other than "I like you" in a quiet voice. They get naked, get funky, and then the quiet one like, eats one of the guys and it gets craaazy because she ends up being some kind of psycho vampire

And she sprouts wings and carries the camera cuy into the night.

 

Tape 2) Second Honeymoon

This one centers around a couple in this western town and this girl shows up at their door asking for a ride the next morning. It switches to night scene and the boy is being filmed, and you are assuming the girlfriend is filming him,. but then the camera turns to film the girlfriend sleeping. The person filming steals money from the guy's wallet and then the camera goes off.

It is the next day and the guy is yelling at the girlfriend for taking money out of his wallet. They go hiking, have a good time, then they go to bed and the camera turns on again. This time filming the bofriend way up close, then stabs his throat. Then it shows the killer washing all the blood off, and then the girlfriend walks in and starts making out with the (female) killer.

 

Tape 3) Tuesday the 17th

This flick shows four friends going on a camping trip and they are just having fun. The one girl with dark hair gets very weird talking about how she came here with three friends and a murderer killed them all, leaving her alive. Two of the friends go out into the woods and this red-faced killer kills them, but you never really see him because his part of the camera is blurry and pixelated. She then explains to the last remaining friend she brought them as bait to catch the killer on camera, and then he gets killed and then she's trying to film the killer, and then she dies.

 

Tape 4) The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger

This one was my FAVORITE segment! I loved it!

This segment circles around a couple, Emily and James (who is all the way in Michigan in medical school) and they have been dating since high school. It is made clear that Emily has had problems with her mental health at a younger age.

This is Emily and Josh's first time being away from each other, and Emily starts hearing footsteps and running in her apartment. So she starts to investigate, meanwhile she complains about an itching bump in her arm.

Then she sees a little boy running in her apartment, but her landlord assures her that no children have ever lived in that apartment space. Finally, Emily wants to make contact with the child, and while video chatting with James, he sees her digging a hole in her arm, attempting to relieve the itching bump on her arm, where James says "We don't want a repeat of what happened on your leg"

So that night she decides to confront the child (all video is shot via webcam with james in the corner of the screen), but instead there are several "children" that attack her unconscious. You then see James leave his screen, and enter in through her apartment door, where he turns her over and makes an incision on her back, removing an alien fetus from inside of her, pieving together than he has been using Emily as an incubator for alien fetuses the whole time they've been dating. The aliens wipe Emily's memory and make it look like she ran into the street and got hit by a car, and doctors diagnose her with schizophrenia. It then switches to James talking with another girl, who he is also using her as an incubator.

 

Tape 5) 10/31/98

This final tape shows four friends who are going to a raging costume party, but end up at an empty house. They find an open door and explore the house. Two of the friends come running out a pitch black room laughing at how awesome the decorations were and that "there was arms coming out of the wall". They go into the attic, where they witness several men beating a tied up girl chanting "cast you down". The boys enthusiastically join in with the chanting, where the men freak out and yell at them, and one man beats the girl. The boys, interrupting their ceremony, start to panic, and then arms start coing out of the ceiling and floors and walls, sucking the men into the house. The house rattles and they quickly try and run out of the house, but decide to go back and save the girl. They bring the girl into their car and drive away, but then their car dies, and the girl disappears from the backseat, where she appears outside of the car. And the boys realize they are parked on train tracks, where they hear a train coming. They cannot unlock the car door, and they die

 

I will not spoil the end, but I freaking loved this movie!!!!

4 stars! It was awesome!

 

 

Scary or Die

Scary or Die (2012)

 

Let me just say, what a huge pile of S-H-I-T. I mean, it was entertaining. I got a few good laughs out of this one, but other than that, it was really bad.

There are four stories that take place in this movie. One is this Asian guy who saves a girl from being raped, but then she turns out to be a vampire. The other is this guy who killed this guy but it turns out he wasn't really dead. The third one is the clown who tries to eat his brother. The last one is this girl who gets killed by her boyfriend but she's like some kind of zombie.

It was very... The only decent one was the second installment because there was an eerie lighting and eerie element to it. Tres creepy. That one gave me some chills

The first installment wasn't too bad but it was pretty bad. The third one was just awful. The guy from High School Musical was in it! I was expecting it to be good! But it wasn't. He gets bitten by some kind of cannibal clown and then transforms into a clown himself and it's just awful.

The last one, I was so confused I couldn't even begin to try and explain it to you.

But, I got laughs out of it, so I must give it props.

2 stars, but the special effects on the third one was not bad.

 



Vile

Vile (2011)

Let me just say, this movie, was disgusting.

It was horrid and I watched it with my hands in front of my face and a knife in the other, I was screeching and squealing and wanted to throw up.

So here's the basic plot; there are four friends camping and trying to get to some place. They stop to get gas and then end up giving a lady a ride to her car which ran out of gas and then she comes back and gasses them. So they wake up in this house and there's a video that explains there are people making a drug and the main ingredient is a hormone produced by the body only when the body is in pain (not adrenaline) and they must gather enough of it in 24 hours or they will die. There are five other people there.

So basically, they must inflict pain on each other or they will die. It was so gruesome and graphic and I just wanted to puke my guts up.... And the cheese grater.... I almost crapped my heart when I saw that scene.
It was seriously revolting and disturbing. A sick mind (much like myself) made that movie and I wanted to gouge out my eyeballs watching that.

But honestly, except for the bad acting and low budget-ness, it was a good flick. If s movie makes you want to kill yourself, you know it's a good movie. Honest to god, 4 stars.

Do not watch if you have a weak stomach or find torture unbearable. It was seriously just disgusting and I will never watch it again, but I've seen it almost three times.

gross.

Blacktop

Blacktop (2000)

 

Let me start off by saying this is THE BIGGEST pile of crap I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of crap piles. I have seen a lot of crappy crap in my day..

This one topped the cake. It was terrible. Kristin Davis isn't necessarily a bad actress, but the acting in this flick was horrendous and the filming was terrible and the lighting and even the sound was off.

It was a made for TV movie and I have no idea how they managed to get these names in a movie like this. I am shocked. It is so bad that I have no words for it.

None. This flick doesn't even deserve a star. This movie has .75 stars out of five.

Yes, .75 stars.

It is just so bad. If you don't believe me, go find it and watch it for yourself. The plot was kind of solid but also all over the place. It was just yucky.

 

see what I mean?